Tuesday, February 5, 2008

things you'll never tell your parents

1. i eat ice cream for dinner more often that i will ever ever tell you
2. there is a dove tattoo on my right lower hip
3. i wish i had tried more in school so i couldve actually done something with my life
4. i went to the mall high once and it was awesome
5. i hated those girls that you wanted me to be friends with- they were mean people
6. i had an affair with hallucinogens
7. i used to binge eat the cookie dough in the outside refrigerator while i watched cartoons after school
8. how i really met my boyfriend (online dating)
9. how far in debt i am
10. i am a really good liar
11. your girlfriend doesn't have very good taste and i returned nearly all of my christmas presents this year
12. my first kiss was drunken
13. when we used to say we were bowling we were usually drinking in the bushes downtown
14. i hit someone else's parked car in the parking lot when i drove your station wagon to school during finals and just pretended that someone else hit me
15. anything related to sex
16. tj was the same person as the james
17. i stole stuff in high school
18. i heard them having sex one time
19. i really dont like anyone outside of my immediate family
20. i am a better driver than you
21. that time you called and asked if i wanted to have brunch and i said i was in the car, running to the store to buy milk - yeah, i was actually driving home from a boy's house at 10 in the morning
22. my friends and i were the ones who drank away the wall of liquor in the basement
how righteously stoned i was that day they made me go test drive a new used car with them (after i hit the guard rail)
23. i got arrested
24. i went to health class drunk almost every week
25. i didn't really go on birth control because the doctor said it would help my skin
26. that boy up the street was growing marijuana in his closet and was not a good influence even though he was pretty
27. the bizarre sexual fetish my ex has (though it would be so satisfying to tell)
28. i have performed sex acts that you think are repulsive
29. i've kissed a boy
30. i was a smoker for about 8 years
31. I want to get married and have babies right now (with my boyfriend...even though I am not technically divorced from my (ex)-husband yet. eek.)
32. i think i walked in on you having sex when i was like 8
33. when my mom knocked on my bedroom door at 3:30 in the morning when i was 18 years old and my boyfriend was in there with me.... i told her not to worry, we were just kissing. riiiiiight mom.
34. it wasn't water that i spilled on that desk chair
35. anything related to masturbation
36. i only pretended not to understand the mulva episode of seinfeld because i was embarrassed to be watching something like that with my dad
37. the age when i lost virginity
38. i look through her mail to understand her finances better
39. i have driven slightly drunk
40. i can forge your signature like nobody's business
41. i have never seen that tommy lee jones movie that you think I saw 5 times
42. i lost the ring you made in high school jewelry class but i didn't want to tell you
43. certain interracial relationships I've had- it's not worth the fighting, he's old and I want to enjoy him
44. my first huge crush was on fred post even though i told you it wasn't
45. i actually think you are really great parents even though you were so strict
46. i fault my dad for leaving two marriages
47. i drove into a snowbank the first week I had my car
48. i think you need counseling because you can be really unstable and mean
49. i was really mean to that boy in college because he deserved it
50. my neck was not sore just because i slept funny, but because i slept funny on a boy's arm
51. that cigarette burn in my car wasnt someone leaning in. it was tyler but I didnt want you to know because I liked him
52. in high school I accidentally burned down a building
53. i never sent a thank you note after i bought my car
54. the only reason I liked DMB was because I was stoned and pretending I was in the rainforest
55. when i was 19 i rammed into a guardrail on the highway with my car. it kept me from being able to open either of the doors on the driver's side of my car and caused multiple other hilarious issues. i told my parents it was because a tractor trailer came REALLY close to swerving into my lane on the highway and hitting me. but the REAL truth is that i was trying to stabilize a can of cheeseballs in between my seat and the passenger seat and i was just totally not paying attention.
56. when you asked if r. and i were platonic friends and i said yes, i was lying
57. i think i will find a great sense of relief when my mother dies
58. I skipped most of my senior year
59. I had two abortions
60. sometimes i pretend to be at work when i'm really at home pretending to be sick and i don't want you to be mad at me for taking a sick day

list by: ashley, amanda, becky, hannah, maggie, maura, rebecca, sammie and stef
photo by stefanoodle frances-face


kentucky said...

Wow, there are actually way more of these things that I have done than I actually sent! Amazing! It makes me feel a little better about my life.

By the way, I love my parents.

.ashley.bliss. said...

ok, this was so fantastic and cathartic. and i LOVE how many of these involve drugs, alcohol, and sex. this collective is such a rebel crew. oh, and i totally second that last one about the sick day. totally.

rebecca ann said...

i would just like to say that the sick day one was mine. i am a glutton for sick days.

Katie said...

I knew it was yours the second I read "pretend to be at work."

I was unclear as to the topic of this list...secrets? tnhings in general? Gosh I loved reading these.

Although, it *was* lacking one vital phrase we all want to say but probably don't, fearing the possibility of being bitch-slapped:


katie said...

I forgot to say that I was unclear, therefore that is why I did not contribute. But I LOVED reading this list nonetheless!!!